I’ve realised that motherhood can be lonely. It seems like a weird thing to say, seeing that we’re kept busy by our kids ALL THE TIME. Being a busy mom, doesn’t necessarily mean that feelings of being overwhelmed don’t creep up on you. Over the last few days, I’ve had time to honestly reflect, be vulnerable and acknowledge that I do get lonely on this journey. Despite having two amazing children, that I love with every fibre of my being and a very strong support system.
Moments of loneliness:
The feeling comes and goes. It started in pregnancy, you know that stage when you’re just too big or moody to move or do anything so you’re forced to be home bound? Then it shows it’s face again when you’re “alone” with your baby in the middle of the night. And again when your children start gaining independence and losing their “baby-ness”.
All my energy, time and effort is spent on feeding, providing, caring, driving, dressing and loving my kids. So very little time is left for ME. The reality is that children usually won’t express gratitude for your hard work, to them, you’re just the mom.
At the bottom of our hearts, we know and appreciate how fortunate we are for this limited and precious time with our babies, as babies. But on the other hand, we have to deal with real feelings of guilt when we find ourselves missing some parts of our pre-baby life, like connecting with your friends, who hardly hear from you lately; going to bed early after a rough day or gathering personal thoughts and plotting career goals.
Mothering is a 24hour/365 day shift and sacrifice.
It is in giving up so much of ourselves that we also stand the greatest chance to lose ourselves too.
The bottom line:
We evolve when we become mothers – our sense of purpose becomes merged with our desire to be the best mothers and with that comes pressure, loneliness, anxiety and endless worry. Having suffered from postnatal depression after my first born, I know how important it is to keep dark feelings under control and I just wanted to encourage any other mother out there who may be feeling lost and overwhelmed in motherhood.
BAD MOMENTS DONT MAKE BAD MAMAS
Taking care of yourself if part of taking care of your children and being a good mother. If you’re in a bad space; they’re going to feel it. So talk about it, acknowledge your loneliness and resentment, make a plan to address those feelings, ask for help, keep a journal with your goals and affirmations, find some alone time in the madness and most importantly know that it will pass.
I can’t wait to get there!
Modern Zulu Mom
9 Comments
OH GOODNESS…just what I needed to read :-(. I’ve been feeling lonely and very resentful lately and those feelings are quickly followed by guilt. I haven’t shared these feelings with anyone as I thought it would make me look like I didnt love my son as much as I “should”. I love my son but I sometimes find myself missing the days when going out with friends didnt require days of planning and making arrangements before the actual event. The one time that I did manage to go out I ended up feeling guilty for actually having a good time and I had to cut the night short and rushed home to be with him.
You’re definitely not alone in those feelings. A lot of mothers experience that, especially in the first year of a child’s life. It’s like a right of passage. I also used to feel guilty about going out, but since baby number 2 I realise the importance of it – to keep sane and treat yourself.
This is post is so true. You feel bad for not having a life, then when you do get a life, you feel even worse for having one. I went through this when I went back to work. Thanks for talking about it and reminding us that it’s okay, it’s not easy, but it’s okay…
I have four but still know this feeling!
Lovely read. It’s nice to be prepared for moments like these. Thank you.
Hi Fazeelah, there are more great moments, than these. All the best – you will love motherhood
yes it does get lonely. i felt it when i was on maternity leave because everyone else around me was busy with work and other things. luckily i made a friend who was on maternity leave too so we got to sharethe time
Yes, I think maternity leave makes it a little more apparent!
So so true, you are not alone but really feel all alone – weird and the not so good part is you feel bad for feeling like that… Amazing motherhood