I’ve realised that motherhood can be lonely. It seems like a weird thing to say, seeing that we’re kept busy by our kids ALL THE TIME. Being a busy mom, doesn’t necessarily mean that feelings of being overwhelmed don’t creep up on you. Over the last few days, I’ve had time to honestly reflect, be vulnerable and acknowledge that I do get lonely on this journey. Despite having two amazing children, that I love with every fibre of my being and a very strong support system.
Moments of loneliness:
The feeling comes and goes. It started in pregnancy, you know that stage when you’re just too big or moody to move or do anything so you’re forced to be home bound? Then it shows it’s face again when you’re “alone” with your baby in the middle of the night. And again when your children start gaining independence and losing their “baby-ness”.
All my energy, time and effort is spent on feeding, providing, caring, driving, dressing and loving my kids. So very little time is left for ME. The reality is that children usually won’t express gratitude for your hard work, to them, you’re just the mom.
At the bottom of our hearts, we know and appreciate how fortunate we are for this limited and precious time with our babies, as babies. But on the other hand, we have to deal with real feelings of guilt when we find ourselves missing some parts of our pre-baby life, like connecting with your friends, who hardly hear from you lately; going to bed early after a rough day or gathering personal thoughts and plotting career goals.
Mothering is a 24hour/365 day shift and sacrifice.
It is in giving up so much of ourselves that we also stand the greatest chance to lose ourselves too.
The bottom line:
We evolve when we become mothers – our sense of purpose becomes merged with our desire to be the best mothers and with that comes pressure, loneliness, anxiety and endless worry. Having suffered from postnatal depression after my first born, I know how important it is to keep dark feelings under control and I just wanted to encourage any other mother out there who may be feeling lost and overwhelmed in motherhood.
BAD MOMENTS DONT MAKE BAD MAMAS
Taking care of yourself if part of taking care of your children and being a good mother. If you’re in a bad space; they’re going to feel it. So talk about it, acknowledge your loneliness and resentment, make a plan to address those feelings, ask for help, keep a journal with your goals and affirmations, find some alone time in the madness and most importantly know that it will pass.
I can’t wait to get there!
Modern Zulu Mom