Cant help but feel super emotional about returning to work next week. It’s the end of my maternity leave and I’m a wreck!! I’m very grateful to have spent 4 months at home with Khumo; which inevitably led me to spend much more time with Lesedi. This was a significant time in his life too, because for first time since he started ‘school’, I’ve been able to pick him up every day and be there to play, to watch him do his extra-murals, to listen to teach and be more hands on.
I’ve done this before so I know I’ll survive and that I’m not the first working mom in the world, but my heart is so, so, so sore!!! I’m crying like it’s the night before I actually have to go back, even though I have 8 more days to go and I’m fortunate enough to get to work a 4-day week for the first few weeks. I’m broken Mamas 💔
Ironically, the last time I felt this guilty was a few days before going into hospital to give birth to her. I felt like I was cheating on my son by having another baby and making him share me. Now I see how much he loves his sister and how happy they both make each other and I’m sad that I’ll miss out on the little-BIG-moments between them while I’m at work. I’m sad that she’ll be wondering where I am and why I’ve left her for so long.
I don’t mean to sound like a brat. Many moms don’t even get this amount of (paid) leave. I’m grateful that I have a job when things are so tough for everyone economically… a career where I get to make an impact and gain a sense of self-worth, knowing that I’m working towards a great future for my babies but right now I’m a sleep-deprived wreck (because, sleep regression) who’s fighting not to break.
[VENT OVER] – in a follow up post I’ll add my tips for returning to work – I just needed to get this off my chest first. Who knows, maybe I’ll kinda enjoy not being puked on all day.
Modern Zulu Mom